So I have this friend named Jennifer...and she always has some learning activity up her sleeve. So, she wakes me up at noon on a Sunday with the idea of going to see a Holocaust survivor speak. Too bewildered and crusty-eyed to say no, I agree to the activity.
This was truly an eye-opening experience. I have somehow made it through formal education without ever really having to go to a Holocaust museum, or study it more than the few pages it is allotted in the history books. The woman above's personal story centered around the theme of help her family received from non-Jews. Essentially, her family would not have survived had it not been for an entire village working together to save them. I always enjoy being in a new environment, but the most interesting thing about this whole experience was how my mental experience reflected my upbringing.
Lately, I have been mulling over the idea of how we all view the world from our own perspective. That sentence seems quite simple, but what I really mean is how we all have a personal path, and that path is often quite clearly determined by our upbringing/past/family/home environment...no matter how "rebel" we think we are. Take me, for example: my father taught me that the USA was the superior country in the world so there's no need to learn foreign languages, and that there's subliminal messaging from the government in advertising. What do I do? Study 4 languages during my lifetime and major in advertising! My point is that none of us can say that our upbringing "doesn't affect us." It does...just in different ways. I chose to contradict the ideas I was fed in every possible way...not that that's good or bad, it's just what happened.
SO... I guess what I'm trying to observe is how my attitude was during the Holocaust Museum. Among a plethora of crack-pot theories my father fed me, one was that the Holocaust was made-up/fake/a hoax/and specifically created BY the jews to cover up their true intentions. Pretty crazy huh? While I obviously disregarded this idea logically around my mid-teens, I did observe my own behavior while at the Holocaust museum and found interesting results. Mentally, while touring the museum, I realized I was looking for evidence of made-up material...completely unconsciously. I was always on the defensive with what the tour guide was saying. Ex: "...so they created the "shower" system to exterminate the Jews." me (mentally): "Was that REALLY an efficient system? Prove to me why they would do that." And, I also noticed my reaction to the reactions on the others faces. I couldn't feel touched by the photos/newspaper excerpts/other artifacts. I maintained a completely stoic attitude. I still don't understand how people seem surprised every time they hear about this. Maybe this is because, subconsciously, I have a mental block to feel towards this particular event.
I truly have no conclusions from this tiny observation of my own mental processes, but am merely intrigued by the fact it occurred. I think I am at a point in my life where I am TRULY beginning to discover my path, but I'm also discovering WHY that is my path. What part of my background led me to the point I am now. I know I will continue to uncover secrets about myself for the rest of my life. I have a feeling I am hiding a great deal from myself. Maybe the journey of life really is...in a cliche way...to find yourself????
